Jessie Update

I had hoped we could hold off making a decision about Jessie until this fall. I don't think that's going to be the case. She'd been holding weight ok all winter and then in March, she started dropping weight. I thought maybe it was just me trying to not look through rose colored glasses.


At the end of May we took a much needed mental and emotional break from reality and when we returned I knew I wasn't looking through rose colored glasses. Jessie looks terrible. I haven't been around her mentally to really make the connection that her time on earth is nearing its end. She's not told me she's ready until I put her into the pasture. Diavlo was pushing her around and I could tell that she's not got the spark like she used to.


I want to wait and see if the grass is what she needs but I don't think so. Looking at her, she looks terrible. I don't even need to compare her to anyone else. She's lost so much weight over the last month that I'm ashamed I've let her go so far. I know weight loss can be sudden but I questioned it a month ago and thought maybe I was just over reacting. I was not.


I've tried changing up her grain and/or adding more and none of that helps. We'll see what pasture does for her but we may be looking at saying goodbye much sooner than I had expected.


It's not like this day wasn't coming. With our vet telling us she had five loose teeth along with some missing, that when she did lose those teeth, we'd probably have to say goodbye. I guess I'd hoped that I wouldn't have to make this decision until fall when it's easier knowing winter will be here.


I plan on giving her a bit more time to see if the pasture does help but I'm not holding my breath. She's already told me she's tired. I feel like I've done her an injustice. The saying "out of the frying pan, into the fire" keeps coming to mind. Have I done all I can do for her? Would she (and the rest of her herd) been better off with someone else? As it is with the four we were asked to take in last fall, one refused to load and only through the grace of the horse gods was someone able to rehome her that was nearer and who she liked. Ransom we lost within a month of coming to the Sanctuary (again the saying out of the frying pan, into the fire comes to mind), and now Jessie. I feel like I've not only let each individual horse down, but also the owner, and his family.


The problem is going to be with Diavlo. We found out that rather than mother/son, it's sister/brother. No matter the case, Diavlo is so attached to Jessie, I don't know what to do. He hates being away from her. He goes ballistic. If I have decent fencing, he'll pace the fence until she's in eye sight and then he'll stand there and watch her like a hawk. Luckily he's not a fence pusher but he questions the fencing if he's separated.


So what do I do? He's still very much an able bodied horse so there's no thought of saying goodbye to him when we say goodbye to Jessie. That option isn't on the table.


But do we take Diavlo with and let him know that she's gone? Let him see that she's gone and let him mourn? Do we load up Jessie and leave Diavlo home to pace the fence and always wonder? He's going to spiral into a depression no matter what.


Brego knew that Ivan died on the place and he spiraled into a depression. Zeke knew that Bo left but didn't go into a depression (or at least not a severe one). But with Diavlo being SO connected to Jessie (even more so than Ivan and Brego who were together all the time), I'm not sure what to do. Diavlo seems like he can't function without Jessie in his sites.


I don't know what to do. But no matter what, we'll have to get everything lined up pretty soon. If the heat continues, I know it's not fair to keep her going. I want her to have a belly full of grass, a mouth full of grain, and sunshine on her back when she goes. But I hadn't prepared myself for making the phone call so soon. It'll be this month, but I'm not sure when this month and how to handle Diavlo after that.


My already somewhat precarious emotional and mental state is fragile right now and making this tough decision is going to really stress me out.

Good Friday Jessie

I think Good Friday Jessie (Jessie to us) is starting to learn the routine. Every night I take her out so she can have her grain mash. Last night I had to leave her tied to the hay ring to fix a gate the other herd and pushed down off the block and came back. Jessie must have picked her head up to look around because there was grain on the ground. All the other times when I hover over her, she won't lift her head.


She sorta stands to be caught to put a halter on to lead her out. I need to work with the other two geldings so they get used to getting caught as well. (I also need to work on my personal horse, Lightening).


When I had Lace and Jessie grained, Jim wandered up. Leave it to Jim to wander up from the pasture just at the tail end of feeding time. So I got his grain mash going and let him into the barn. We need to clean out the leanto portion of the barn. They always poop right in front of the door. So while I was fighting with the door, Jim decided he was coming in come hell or high water. Luckily he didn't hurt me but he did surprise me. So now I have one more thing on my list to get that door fixed.


Sadly Jim had to stand in the barn for a few hours while Mike went to help with a prayer service and I took care of the kids. I don't think Jim minded one bit. He's not exactly a "Barn Babe" but he doesn't mind hanging out and chilling.


I wish the days weren't getting so short so fast. We have a bunch of projects that need to be started before winter arrives. I have a feeling winter will be here sooner than I want. I always think I'll be organized but this year has been a real struggle. I blame juggling three kids but in truth it is juggling the oldest's activities. I hate to see what happens when all three are in activities. I may lose my  mind. Sadly we have cold and dreary weather in the forecast for tomorrow so I'm not sure how much stuff we'll get done. If I can't get the horse home tomorrow with help from trainers, I'll be leading her home on Sunday and that will burn up the last nice day we'll probably have that I can get anything done.


I am to the point where I can easily say, I need help. So if anyone wants to help in any fashion, let me know. There's lost of stuff that doesn't directly involve the horses. Or If you want to be directly involved, there's projects there too! There is no end in sight for the list of stuff that needs to get done so whatever your skills and whatever you like to work on, I am sure we have that project! So stop on out!

Jessie and Diavlo

25 Degrees

We have had a 25 degree change from yesterday morning to this morning. I don't know the overall temperature shift but it's pretty prominent. Yesterday was oddly hot and humid for the last day of September with temps starting at 74 degrees. I was shocked when I stepped outside to do chores. 74 degrees at 6am is crazy and usually only happens once in the summer (not in the fall). Had I known, I would have opened every window in the house! I love fresh air!


Fast forward to this morning, I struggled to get out of bed with a thunderstorm rolling in but it being so dark I had no motivation. It wasn't like a normal thunderstorm where I could see it rolling in. I woke to rain on the roof and rumbling thunder (a hard motivation to get up and get moving when snuggled under a warm blanket). When I did run out to let the big herd out to pasture, it was 49 degrees. Hello October! The rain, the clouds, the dark mornings and early nights are normal for this time of year so yesterday was a bit of a shock. My only regret is that I didn't take the day off the paying job to get a few outside projects worked on while the weather was warm.


I forgot what it was like to do chores in the dark (both morning and night). Now that the pastures are close to being done, I need to start supplementing with grain for the hard keepers. Some aren't exactly hard keepers but they aren't the ones that get fat on air. So now we are graining Lace, Jim, and Jesse. I want to start graining Dude but he hasnt' figured out what I'm asking of him just yet so he doesn't stand at the door waiting his turn to get in.


I set up corral panels to let Lace in to grain her. She gets annoyed because the ponies try to bother her. Jim has the entire barn to enjoy his mash. We'll be moving the ponies shortly but I want them to get the most of their lawn time as possible. The less I have to throw hay to them, the better! Then there's Jesse. Because I'm still getting used to her, I can't take as many liberties as I would with others. I can't feed her in the pen with Ransom and Diavlo because they push her out. So that means I have to halter her and lead her out, making sure the other two don't try to escape (darn boys). I can't grain her in the stall in the hay shed because she will freak out (or so I'm guessing). The geldings are very insecure without Jesse there with them. They aren't happy that she's on the other side of the fence in full view of them. But Jesse is quickly figuring out the grain thing. I halter her, lead her out, and I stand patiently while she devours her grain mash.


She's much too thin for my liking. I really dont' know if she'll make it this winter but I have to try before making the decision to put her down. This could very well be a simple lack of extra nutrition and bad teeth. She didn't lift her head the entire time she was eating. Usually the others always life their head and spill their grain (some do it on purpose to make eating last longer). But not Jesse. She didn't lift her head until she had the feeder almost licked clean. That tells me she's hungry and of course she loves her food. We are starting her off slow with the grain. I suspect she's not had grain before, just treats. Because I don't know the condition of her teeth, we are soaking everything. She's on one scoop of Purina Senior at the moment but after she adjusts, I want to increase that amount and possibly mix in a few other grains to help generate more weight gain. We'll see. Every horse is different for gaining weight. Jesse was more than happy to go back to her pen after she was done eating but I think she would have been content to eat her grain longer. But doing chores in the dark with kids that need to go to bed limited the amount of time she could stand around and lick the entire dish clean.


Jesse needs a sponsor. She needs teeth done, farrier work, and massive amounts of grain, besides a new blanket. I'm not sure she's ever had a blanket but it's definitely needed if she's going to survive this winter. She lost weight after coming to the Sanctuary. She's in a pen and that's not to her liking. She needs to be on pasture but I'm not yet ready to split her herd up and put her in with Lace and Mayhem. I'd rather not stress out Lace yet. So we are keeping a close eye on Jesse and will have to figure something out if she continues to lose weight because of stress.


Tomorrow we are supposed to try loading the last mare to get her home. If not, I'll be walking her this weekend to get her home. So stressful. Hopefully with the other mare home, Jesse will calm down.