Jessie had been going downhill since early May and I'd turned a blind eye to her deterioration. Making the call these days is harder because we have to line up not just the vet, but also the excavator since we now bury everyone on family land until a different option becomes available or until the family land is no longer available.
In true Jessie fashion, she had to be the boss as to when she would leave. We had to reschedule the appointment for later in the day because she simply didn't want to leave. With the help of two very amazing horse women and Jessie deciding she was ready, we loaded her up. I had questioned on whether to take Diavlo but after having loaded him (to try and convince Jessie to go), we opted to leave him home. He threw a massive temper tantrum because I think he too knew what was going on and wasn't ready yet to let go.
Oddly enough, earlier in the week for four straight days we had 90+ degree weather and 25+ mph winds. Thursday rolled around and we had rain and chilly temps. Not just a light shower but good old fashioned thunderstorms and showers (I think, I slept through most of them in the night). But Friday rolled around and there was no wind, no excessive heat, and no rain. It was a beautiful day. If I had to choose a day to leave this earth, it would have been a day like Friday.
Jessie left with a belly full of grain mash, grass under her hooves, and sunshine shining down on her back. She's now buried on the same land as Ransom in a peaceful little spot away from all commotion. I do believe that she was ready to go. She'd been tired for quite some time and her passing was very quick.
I try never to talk politics or religion but with sanctuary work, I have to believe in heaven. I have a theory that it takes 11 hours to get to heaven after leaving your body. I'm sure some will think I'm crazy but I've noticed that about 11 hours after a loved one passes, that they send a sign. Oddly enough, Jessie I believe sent a sign Friday night. Wouldn't you know, she was a few hours early. Of course she had to prove me wrong by speeding up the time and because she was a mare always on the go, I'm sure she never once walked the path to get to heaven. I'm sure she was on a gallop the entire way there. The entire family was outside Friday evening after the sun had set. My oldest was the first to mention that he felt a rain drop. Wouldn't you know, Jessie would let my kids know before me that she'd reached heaven. I felt a few raindrops too (as did my daughter). I think it was Jessie's way of letting us know that she'd made it and was fine.
As my kids grow older and start to understand more about life and death, we talk more about it. We've spent a great deal of time talking about Jessie and where she went after living with us. It's not a topic I want to discuss with my almost 8 year old let alone my almost 5 year old but it is something that should be discussed. Luckily we have done this discussion in such a manner that they aren't scared of death. (But as a 5 year old, the only thing you're normally scared of is the dark.) It does make Jessie's passing a bit harder for me and a bit bitter sweet.
Jessie was with us for only 8 months. It was such a very short time. I had hoped she'd be with us for at least a few more months. But it's not always up to me. The horses are the ones who decide when they are ready to leave this earth and I have to be responsible enough to help them when they ask. I will regret that I didn't pay more attention to Jessie's request when she told me earlier. I need to remember it's about quality, not quantity of life at the sanctuary.
I'm sure she's having a grand old time up in heaven kicking up her hooves and racing everyone around. She was never one to stand patiently and watch the day go by. She was always the type to be in the middle of everything bossing everyone around. I'm sure she's up in heaving right now doing just that.
Until we meet again Good Friday Jessie. You are dearly missed by many.
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