Inevitable

I realized today that I am putting off the inevitable. It seems it happens every year but I guess that’s what happens when you run a sanctuary full of old horses.

We decided last week to keep Dude home to doctor his shoulder (which is slowly healing) and kept King with him for company. It’s my fault that Dude blew through the fence when we took him over to the neighbor’s but he got naughty afterwards. So instead we decided to take him to Mom and Dad’s. The weather finally cooled off last night where I had enough energy and wasn’t afraid of hauling horses in a hot trailer.

Dude and King both loaded like old pros that they are and were ready for their adventure. When I went to unload King, he got his front feet off the trailer and down went his head to snatch some grass. He didn’t even have his back end off the trailer and he was already too busy eating to care where the rest of his body was! I so wish I would have had a camera.

The minute we put Dude and King into the pasture, I never saw them again. The weeds are about shoulder high on the horses so the only way to keep track of them was to look for King’s white back. I guess there is a bonus of having white horses; it’s easier to pick them out at night and in pastures. Dude blended in pretty quick (and he’s just a hair shorter than King). Those boys didn’t lift their heads at all. Even when we went to leave, those boys didn’t give me a backwards glance. I don’t blame them. They haven’t had the joy of a pasture in a couple of weeks now. They will definitely be happier where they are at.

When we got home, I decided that we might as well take advantage of the empty dry lot and put Queen and Rabbit in it so we wouldn’t have to constantly fill water tubs (until we can put them out on pasture). It’ll make graining those two a lot easier too. This morning when I went to toss out some hay, I noticed wads of hay all over the place. That’s my sign. It’s depressing but I knew it was coming. Queen is going downhill fast. Fast or faster than Thor actually. I know I need to call the vet and make the appointment but I’m wrapped up in a few personal matters that need to be taken care of first. I should have put them down earlier this summer when we had so much heat, but I don’t think either Mike or I were ready to say goodbye. I guess we are both being a little selfish. Thor really turned into Mike’s horse and Queen turned into my horse. Queen has been there this past year when everything else fell apart and I needed a comforting shoulder to cry on. I’m struggling with the thought of losing her and not seeing her appy butt out in the pasture. Even thinking of it now has my crying like a baby (yeah, can’t see the screen through the tears).

I know it’s a part of sanctuary life. I would rather know these horses for a very short period of time than to never know them at all. But each one takes a little piece of me when they go. But I would rather have my heart scattered and had the opportunity to know so many wonderful souls than to have a full but empty heart.

I’m not sure when I will be able to make the phone call. I expect it’ll be in the middle of August. I had hoped to wait until the end of September but it doesn’t look like that will happen. Even though we will be losing two, we wont’ be accepting any more in until possibly late fall or next spring. Finances and health dictator the numbers that we can manage. Unless someone wants to sponsor one or two of the horses, we’ll have to wait to take in any more. I’m devastated by that thought because I’m seeing a few old warriors that desperately need a retirement home and I can’t offer them that opportunity at this time. I know that they will be bought by someone, used hard, and then discarded like an old rag and I would love the opportunity to give them the retirement that they so desperately deserve. Who wouldn’t want the life of luxury: wake up when you want, eat, poop, drink all when you want, enjoy good company and know that your safety and well-being are being taken care of by someone else.

I’m sure I’ll post again later today. I wanted to fill everyone in on a conversation I had with friends about the latest horse sale that they attended. I havent’ been able to attend any sales lately due to conflicting schedules, heat, and health. One of these days I’ll be back to normal again.