Sahara

I made the unpopular decision. I’ve discussed the topic with others and we were all in agreement. I’ve done the best I can and it wasn’t good enough. We chose to put Sahara down this weekend. I know it’s an unpopular decision by many. I’ve had many people tell me “be the dominant mare”, “Show her who’s boss”, etc. Each time those people said such things, I offered Sahara to them and each individual declined the offer and quickly stopped talking about Sahara’s options. Who wants a dominant, crippled filly? I would have gladly handed her over to someone who had the knowledge and patience to train her. I do not.

I know some will be angry that we didn’t try to do more with her. We could/should have taken her to the vet to have her legs looked at. It would have required extensive surgery costing a large amount of money that I don’t have. Remember, I pay for the entire sanctuary out of my pocket and I don’t have a high paying job. I’m just a peon trying to cover the cost of the mortgage along with feeding for the horses. The money is not endless. I have to take into consideration the other 19 horses standing in the pens/pastures.

I could have sent her to a trainer, but to do what? She couldn’t have been a riding horse. She should never be bred. Who wants a dominant pasture pet that you have to work with every day for the next 25 years, if her legs held out that long.

I had to make the decision of what was best for Sahara and for the rest of the horses. I completely understand those that disagree with my decision and would rather not follow what we do at Borderlands any more. But remember one thing, I offered her to you and you declined for your own personal reasons.

I am sad. I am upset. I am angry, angry at the world, angry at the previous owner, angry at being the one that has to do what someone else couldn’t do, angry at being the only one willing to step up and do the right thing. I knew when we took her, that her life would be short. But I wanted to ensure that she would know kindness for the brief time she was at Borderlands.

Had she not been as dominant, we would have worked through the issues. But I can’t risk getting hurt. I can’t risk anyone getting hurt. I have to think of the other horses and what Sahara was taking away. Her passing does not open up a spot for another. Not yet anyway.

My heart is very sore. In a two week span, I will have lost two uncles and two horses. It is simply more than I can bear. This is the time to be thankful and filled full of good tidings and cheer. All I can do right now is muster through the impending dread that is hanging over me. Losing someone is tough, even when you know it’s going to happen. Losing someone when you are the one that has to make that call is heart breaking. I am emotionally drained to the point of exhaustion. I would very much like to curl up into a ball for the entire week and just ignore all that is happening around me. But that is unfair to those around me so I’ll muster on. I’ll apologize now for not being as chipper as I would like to be, especially this time of year. All I ask is that you don’t take anything or anyone for granted. Perhaps that is the meaning I am to focus on this Christmas season. Rejoice in the love of my family and friends and act as though each day is the last so enjoy the heck out of it.