Heartfelt Sympathies

As a sanctuary, we daily deal with the thought of death. It’s not an easy topic to discuss. It’s not an easy topic to watch first hand. The alternative however, is much worse. I can’t explain the pull/drive to run a sanctuary rather than a rescue. Watching someone grow old is hard. Making that final decision is excruciatingly painful. It doesn’t get easier with every passing. Every passing takes a little piece of my heart. But I would rather have my heart scattered to the winds than to have a whole heart without loving anyone.

I sometimes wonder if I simply have a hardened heart because of all the losses we have dealt with over the years. I don’t think so. It’s hard to say goodbye and let go. I guess that’s why I haven’t let Sam go just yet.

But I can only handle so much death in one year. I’ve lost two two-legged family members this year and a four-legged (horse) family member (with two more that will pass soon) and three four-legged (dog) family members. I may not have been close to each and every one, but their passing leaves a mark on my heart. I will never grow numb to the passing of a loved one.

I’m not sure what’s harder. Dealing with death or watching someone else go through the same process. Last night we lost a family pet (one of the three dogs mentioned above). It wasn’t unexpected and we were all prepared. However, it’s never easy.

But I’m also in a little bit of shock. Last night I also found out that a classmate from high school passed away this weekend. I don’t know the details, nor do I think I want to know. The idea that a young person should pass over without experiencing a long life is hard to swallow. How could someone the same age as myself pass away? He was so young. It doesn’t seem fair.

Shocks and loss like last night help put my life back into perspective. Life is fragile and rote with peril but it is also filled with love, family, and friends. I am blessed to have all three in my life. My way of returning my gratitude is running the sanctuary. I know I sometimes get bitter but under the disappointments and hurt, there is always the realization that life should be cherished, the bad with the good. This Christmas I will count my blessings and be thankful for all the wonderful people and animals in my life. My heartfelt sympathies go out to the family of my classmate.