Painful but Greatful

I've struggled to write this post for five months. Its' not a bad post but it's still hard. Five months ago we said goodbye to Bo, my beloved horse who we rescued from auction and who seemed to connect like no other horse.

Five months later we had to say goodbye to our other hard keeper Junior, this past Friday. The decision to put both down was very quick. But there were months of agonizing over when we should and if it was the right decision. 

There's been many sleepless nights and many tears shed over knowing when and if I was making the right decision. Although we have a Board of Directors and we discuss each horse, their overall care, and the decision to euthanize, ultimately it's my decision. It's a difficult decision and I hate making it but that's part of the criteria for this position.

It's always difficult to say goodbye, to make that decision and to follow through with it. It's harder when the bill comes and you're faced with a $250 bill to cover what was done and not something that you want to do in the first place. But it's the right thing to do. 

About a week after losing Bo, while we were trying to figure out how to come up with the funds to pay for Bo, we had an angel show up. An anonymous donor sent us $250. We have no idea who you are, or where you are from but we are eternally grateful. The funds from that check covered Bo's euthanasia. It's probably not where you wanted the money to go but it was a HUGE relief. I can't really put into words how it was easier for me to pay the bill knowing that the funds were there. 

And again five months later, just as we were trying to figure out logistics for what to do with Junior's body, another check came in the mail from an anonymous donor. Again, the relief was there. Its' such a painful decision to make and the open wounds of losing a horse are reopened when the bill comes and you have to find the funds to pay for a euthanasia. 

Both bays have been a worry and have constantly been on my mind with their weight struggles. Having the funds come in at exactly the times we've have to make the decision to euthanize has been a relief that no words can explain. 

I've wanted to go live and talk in person about losing Bo and Junior but with Bo it's taken me five months to talk about his loss without crying. Junior had a full life so the loss isn't as bitter. It's still painful but but not as bitter sweet as Bo's. 

So, whoever you are, wherever you, thank you for your generosity, your kindness, your thoughtfulness, and your support. I have wanted to tell you thank you for months but couldn't speak the words or even type them without bursting into tears. Of course I wanted to be more eloquent but that's just not who I am. But knowing that you have helped us, whoever you are, please know that I (and everyone at the Sanctuary) is very grateful for your kindness.