Goodbye Bo

I've struggled to write this post all week. I've composed it a million times in my head but when it comes right down to putting thoughts on paper (or online for that matter), I just couldn't bring myself to do it until now.


We lost Bo Monday.


It is odd how timing all came to play into the decision. I've been waiting for Bo to give me the sign he was ready and he hadn't ever given that sign. When I was in to the vets on Friday with Farley (he wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to go into the weekend with a sick dog). The vet informed me that starting March 1st (today), rendering services will no longer pick up animals that have been humanely euthanized (even the sedative used to castrate, which is the second sedative when euthanizing) is not allowed.


I spent Friday night in a tizzy with much crying. Bo still hadn't given me the sign he was ready so how could I even though he's going downhill? I did weigh the options all day Saturday and the thoughts sat very heavy on my heart and mind. If I chose to put him down, was I ending his life too early but if I waited would he go down? This time of year is a terrible time to have a horse go down. We don't have the option to bury. I certainly cannot afford to hire a backhoe or excavator to bury a horse.


We are a Sanctuary that focuses on old horses. Since losing my first horse February 25, 2007, we have lost 17 horses (counting Bo). That's 17 horses in 11 years. Along with that, we've lost 3 dogs, and a number of two-legged family members in that time frame. I have not had a year in 11 years where I have not lost someone I've loved (either two legged or four). It's a hard loss when I think about it. We focus on the senior horses so we are going to have more come through our doors and not stay for very long. It's a more common occurrence so when the vet told me of the news, I became worried. This changes everything for us.


Sunday morning I checked in on Bo and I knew. He gave me the sign he was ready. Maybe he'd been giving me the sign all along and I was too blinded to see it but it was very clear Sunday morning. Had I had the opportunity, I would have let him go right then. His hips were bothering him too much for him to feel comfortable. Even in the evening when he came in for his grain, he did not let out his gigantic whinny to show his excitement for supper. So he was clearly giving me the sign that I needed to let go. I'm sure he'd given me the sign many times before but I was too blinded by....by what I don't know but I was too blinded to let go. I guess I was selfish in wanting to keep him around. Fate seems to have played him a cruel hand at life even if he didn't see it that way.


So on Monday, I called the vet to make arrangements. Even though later this week would be much nicer, the opportunity for us to have the rendering service take him was limited to three short days and Monday was the nicest day. I wanted him to have a warm day, even if he couldn't have grass in his belly, I wanted sun on his back when he went.


He hated the vet, he hated needles so I was worried. Because of his heart failure, it didn't take long and he was gone within a blink of an eye.


I've noticed it twice now when having to lose horses. I'd stopped to get gas before heading to the vet and the world seemed too loud. It's fairly quiet at the Sanctuary. It's the way I want to keep it so that there's very little commotion and stress for the horses. But the real world seemed all too loud Monday morning. I had that same experience when I had to take Rabbit in to the vet as well. I wanted the world to come to a stop and for everything to be quiet.


The place doesn't seem right without Bo standing at the gate waiting for me. In the evenings, I sneak into the barn thinking Bo will hear me and then realize that he's not here. On that Monday morning, I'd let Bo out to wander because I'd do that for him every once in a while. Even his hoof prints in the snow are slowly melting away and I have no physical reminder of him.


I have lost others but for some reason Bo had a strong old on my heart...and still does. Sometimes you choose your horse and other times, they choose you.

Goodbye my sweet, sweet Bo. Until we meet again.

Born - 2001

March 12, 2011 - February 26, 2017