What Ivan and Bo Taught Me

I want to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and moral support after Ivan's passing.


I am no stranger to death. Running a Sanctuary for old horses means I am ever watchful of the day we need to say goodbye to one of our loved ones. It's only those that leave this world so suddenly that I am left in shock. I have spent the last few days quietly mourning Ivan's passing and getting back to the old routine. Life continues even in death.


I have run through all the scenarios: what-ifs, what should I have done differently, what did I do wrong. In the end,  it's the same conclusion. Ivan is gone and we must move on.


I am keeping a watchful eye on Brego. He, like me, is in mourning. Unlike myself, Brego lost his best friend, his sidekick, his companion. He is depressed and I worry for him. I worry for him like I worry for my own children. I can't explain to him that Ivan left this world. I can't explain to him that in time, he too will adjust to this change. I cant' explain. So instead, I spend a few extra minutes with him in this very crazy schedule called life and I hope and wish that he can bounce back.


Brego has now lost two best friends in the time that he's lived at the Sanctuary. His first best friend was Sam who we lost a few years ago to old age and ulcers. And now Ivan. How can I explain to him? How can I make him feel better? Only time will tell.


As I mourn for Ivan's passing, I also mourn for Bo's upcoming passing. I am keeping a watchful eye on Bo but I can tell that I am going to have to let him go soon as well. The thought breaks my heart. When the cold spell came, I put a blanket on Bo to ensure he stayed warm and spent his energy trying to maintain what little weight he had to keep comfortable. It's not doing any good. Bo is slowly losing weight. My brain is the logical one telling me to make a phone call now before the snow flies. My heart is holding on and can't bare to say goodbye. It's not even the passing of Ivan that is keeping me from making that dreaded phone call. It's knowing that he, like Ivan, is so very young. That life has handed him every shortcoming imaginable. Yet, instead of holding a grudge to all that has happened, we should take a page from Bo's Book of Life.         Be Happy.         Enjoy the good moments. They will outlast the bad moments. Surround yourself with those that you love and simply be (and preferably be happy in being). Bo is a wonder that I cannot explain. In all that has happened to him, he is still the happy horse. So making a phone call to say that he needs to leave this world is very difficult.


So instead I sit and worry. I mourn for Ivan's passing, I worry for Brego's depression, and I stress over Bo's impending departure from this world. I am simply taking each day as they come.


Ivan's passing is a good reminder. Never take anyone for granted. With the old horses, I know their time will near and I keep a watchful eye on them knowing that their time on this earth is limited. The younger horses (those that came to the Sanctuary before we set criteria on who could come in), are not on my radar. Yet, I sometimes take their presence for granted, as I do with others.


It is a reminder that you should live your life to the fullest. Being a socially awkward introvert, its' hard to be the one living it up at a party or making the most of every day. But I need to remember to appreciate the little things in life, those that are in my life and to recognize them for being a part of my life. It's a lesson I hadn't thought a young horse like Ivan could teach me.


Thank you Ivan for being the stubborn Thoroughbred and reminding me to appreciate all those that surround me in life. Life is a precious gift. Until we meet again...