Turning a Blind Eye

I don’t remember when the news broke about the horses west river. I hate to admit it, but I turned a blind eye. I know others were more informed of the situation. I had faith that the situation wouldn’t be nearly as bad as it is. I can come up with any number of excuses on why I turned a blind eye.

I’ve had no involvement and just know what I’ve read, which is very limited. There is only so much that one person can manage and what was happening out west wasn’t one of them (too many personal goings-on to focus my attention). Now I wish I had paid more attention. The minute life slowed down long enough for me to think about the situation and read a little about it, there’s so much that I and we as a community could have done.

Standing from the sidelines, I’m seeing things unfold that aren’t right but there’s nothing I can do. I turned a blind eye and now it’s too late.

I was asked a couple of weeks ago if we were going to take in any of the horses. No. I am struggling to get the funds to pay for this year’s hay. I don’t have enough funds for another mouth, let alone make the trip and purchase a horse that will have significant medical issues to focus on. It hurts to turn a blind eye. We aren’t set up for wild horses. They aren’t really wild but not handled. But I’m not set up for that type of situation either. I have two small kids and very little time to even manage the horses that we do have now. How could I possibly bring in a horse that will need all of my attention? When we took in Chaos, he was an unhandled yearling. But I had the time back then to work with him, mess with him, get him used to being handled and to turn him into an awesome gelding.

So I turned a blind eye. I gave myself every excuse in the book to turn a blind eye. I feel like my hands are tied and yet I know the inevitable. Hundreds of horses will ship to slaughter and people are fine with it. I am not fine with it. Yet, I turned a blind eye for too long so what can I do? I have ideas but it’s too late.  And even if it wasn’t too late, I don’t have the funds. I’d need to work with a bunch of people to get a few of my possible ideas for helping up off the ground. I don’t know.

I hate that I turned a blind eye. I hate that my hands are tied. I hate that hundreds will die. I stand at auctions and see less than 100 horses and I struggle knowing that most of them will not see the next year. I can’t imagine looking at hundreds of horses and know that they will not see the next year. How can someone sign the death certificate for so many? This is not a game. We do not have the right to say who lives and dies and yet we do. Some people should not have that power. I am in charge of 14 sanctuary horses and I consider their health and life quality every day. And it weighs heavily on me, like it does for anyone who runs a horse rescue, or even owns an animal.  It is not a responsibility that should be taken lightly. They look to you for guidance, protection, shelter, etc.

So, how can I turn a blind eye knowing that hundreds will die? Yet, my hands are tied.

There is too many disjointed thoughts to really make a decent post. I just know that the magnitude of the situation is huge and yet I feel helpless. I feel as though I am standing at the edge of an abyss and if I were to take another step, I would fall in. How can I sleep at night knowing that I SHOULD do something and I COULD do something if I could figure something, anything out? How can I sleep at night knowing hundreds will die? If not this situation, there are others. Others standing in the slaughter pipeline waiting for their turn to leave this earth. I want to do something but instead I stand in front of the abyss turning a blind eye.