Holding On

Here I thought I was going to be really good and post almost every day in November and I haven't. From the three to four weeks of tooth aches (and finally getting a root canal) to my computer at my paying job crashing and deleting ALL of my high-priority deadline documents, I've been a bit MIA.


It's silly I know to let this type of stuff get to me but it has, so I haven't really posted much. There's so much I want to do and that needs to be done but I'm burned out. Once a few more projects get off my list, I know I'll feel better but there's just some stuff bouncing around in my head that I can't seem to get out. And with all that bouncing around, I tend to stress eat and stress sleep. And when I mention it, people always say...eat healthy. Umm.. stress eating. How am I supposed to eat healthy?!!?  :-)


I guess I'm simply riding my pity train again (wonder if I could get frequent flier/travel miles?)


I'm so far behind in thanking everyone that helped out in last month's fundraisers. So much to do and so little time...well, really there is time now but by the time I get the kids to bed (and they are going to bed early, I'm wiped out too).


I've got all kinds of ideas but I can't get to them for one reason or another so we are missing out. And because I am silent, people don't know about us. The other problem is, if I finally put ourselves out there, the horse people will discover us and want to "retire" their horses but I can't take on any more. If I say no, that's a black eye for me. If I say yes, I'll be an irresponsible sanctuary manager and will be in trouble quickly. It's a lose-lose situation (sorry, totally negative nelly here).


I know I'll get out of this funk soon enough. Others have it much worse. The neighbor to the south of us had a house fire and they lost everything in the house. I'm glad I missed it but Mike saw the flames, smoke, and fire trucks. It's still too fresh in my mind to get over a fire. Ours wasn't a house but it still has a lasting affect on me. I feel terrible for our neighbors. Good people.


The weatherman is talking a storm next week...most likely at the end of the week. It's a total flash back to last year. On my second day back to the paying job after being on maternity leave, it snowed....bad. And I almost got hit by a truck. And it wouldn't have been a fender-bender kind of crash, it would have been a life threatening crash because I would have slid through the intersection and been t-boned on the driver's side by a Ford F350. So I thank the gods above for keeping a watchful eye on me that day (and other days that I'm too oblivious to notice). But it's a little bit spooky for me.


I also bought a tractor. Started making payments on it, but it'll help with keeping the place look less like a junkyard. And for those that say, oh she's super lucky, or how do they get all the great finds....I don't. The Sanctuary isn't pay for it, neither is the Sanctuary paying for the big tractor that we use specifically FOR the sanctuary. We searched, we scored, and we finagled into getting those tractors. We were patient and we had to bide our time. AND, we are paying for it out of our OWN pockets and donating the equipment to the Sanctuary. And neither are new. If I could figure out how to get around to finding a grant to finish paying off the tractors, that would be fantastic. But until then, don't say anything to me that would sound anything but sincere because I'm paying for it by myself....see, getting totally crabby now. :-)


I know from the outside looking in, everything is just peachy. But there's a lot people don't see and I won't post on this blog because it's a bit personal. So, if I get a little snippy or cranky, or downright crabby, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to figure out how to cope with all that's going on....stuff I've mentioned and stuff I haven't.


So if I don't  post again for awhile, we are around. I'm just trying to stay afloat. If you've emailed or left messages, I'll get there. I'm just trying to stay above water. After being taken down a few pegs on my ladder this summer, I'm just trying to hold on.