If Only...

If only…

It’s always a nagging statement in the back of my head, “if only…”

If only I’d been there sooner to see the villain who killed the little dog. If only I’d been there sooner to make sure it was a dumpsite for this poor dog and the last few minutes of his life.

If only I’d asked more questions about Savanna and Sahara to find out more. If only I’d insisted that I get the truth from the crappy owner so that I could turn them in for neglect. If only I would have gone on an immediate road trip to check out this crappy owner’s location.

If only I’d raised my hand to pull one of Bo’s herdmates from the auction. I wouldn’t have the guilt of not doing enough for a doomed horse.

If only…

It sometimes makes me feel like I’m not doing enough but then I look at the herd and know that I’m tapped out. I’m sure this is all just sheer exhaustion catching up to me. But I’ve lost my faith in humanity. How can a little dog shatter my core and bring me to tears and yet I can harden my heart and watch the hundreds of horses being purchased by kill? It doesn’t seem right. Maybe I wasn’t prepared yesterday like I normally am for the cruelty of people.

But the last few months have left a bitter taste in my mouth. I know there are good people out there. Trusting, caring, loving people. I know because I chat with them or they leave positive comments to boost my moral. Those are the people who help mend the holes in my heart. Just the other day Dick’s owner came out to see how he was doing. I didn’t get the chance to talk with him but Mike did. Dick’s owner said he wished that Dick’s teammate would have lived so that he too could have come to live at Borderlands. That little statement warmed my heart. I sometimes wonder if I’m doing the right thing. But one little sentence can brighten my day.