Playing Defense

Like the horse, I am a flight or fight creature. I try to avoid confrontation as much as possible but when backed into a corner, I will fight. In the past year and a half or so I’ve fought more than I would like. I can only be pushed so far before my nerves are frayed and I am exhausted of being polite and having others walk all over me, assuming that I will be the one that constantly bends. I was told the other day that I am being defensive. Yes, yes I am but for good reason. This month has been absolutely hellish. In fact, this entire year has been overly stressful and downright rough. My nerves are raw and my temper is high. I try to keep everything in check but I am to that final straw. So here’s a few bits of info into my world these last few weeks/months so you’ll understand why I am defensive. 1. Dr. Mr. Murphy, Thank you for visiting. We always welcome guests (both invited and uninvited to Borderlands). However, you have stayed a very long time and we suspect that you have others that are waiting for you to visit. We would hate for you to stay and continue “helping” when you could spread your good cheer on others. In the past month you have helped us: break the tractor so it no longer runs; break the brake line on the farm truck so it’s deemed unsafe, you have helped to bolt on that tire connected to the bad brake line so that it’s impossible to get the tire off without breaking tools and at some point will send Mike to the ER (keeping fingers crossed that doesn’t happen), break my hay wagon so that the tires almost fell off, blew out the tire on the two wheeled wheel barrow so now I’m relegated to trying to throw five flakes from a big square bale onto a one wheeled wheelbarrow, maneuver through ten horses throwing hay here and there without the horses “helping” to the “buffet” on a one wheel wheelbarrow; assist in caring for a horse with a serious case of ulcers; assist in watching and caring for a horse that went blind and is still adjusting to his new life; assist in caring for an emaciated horse that apparently comes with a history unbeknownst to me; slammed me with enough paperwork at work that I won’t be able to surface until fall; spread the lovely “le pew” perfume morning and night by our dear friend Mr. Skunk; and that’s just the list from this past month. 2. I am opinionated and as such have warned in this blog several times that I speak my mind and will offend people. But what’s that saying about true friends not getting upset by what I have to say and those that aren’t your friends will get upset? I can’t remember now how that saying goes but that’s the gist. For some odd reason, people think that just because I say something, they should get their dander up. This is my blog people and I will say what I want. I will present the information that is presented to me be it true or not. I would rather provide all the information so that everyone knows exactly what I know. So if you don’t like what’s on here, for the love of god stop reading this blog. If you take offense by what I say then stop reading damnit. I will not sugar coat. I follow Fugly’s rule that if you don’t like what I say, don’t read my blog. 3. If I know something, I will try to at least put the information out there and not try to keep it hidden from people. Even if I don’t understand everything, maybe the information that I do know can help others piece together the entire story. What information I do know may not be correct but at least it’s there in plain black and white. I’m not trying to be sneaky. BUT, if I find something and think it might be helpful for a specific cause AND I ask that you keep that information confidential I EXPECT that you will. Instead, I am put into a rock and a hard place. Either my confidential request is spread to whoever OR I have to insert myself into a situation where I don’t know all the information, I am not educated on all the details, but I still have to insert myself because someone else wouldn’t follow my request of keeping the information confidential. I only provided the information so that they could be aware of the situation; although they thought they were doing a good thing, instead they put me in a bad spot. I don’t appreciate it. Shame on you. 4. I try to provide information but if you tell me you have information and I have to ask for it three or four times, I believe that behavior is uncalled for. If you need/want my information than turnabout is fair play. I expect that you too will provide me with all the information you know instead of giving me little pieces and expecting me to provide everything I know. I also expect you to tell me right away instead of making me ask multiple times. My time is just as important as yours. First time, shame on you; second time shame on me and it won’t happen again. From now on, I will not share all my “horsey knowledge” to just anyone. I’ll demand to know the entire story before I provide any knowledgeable information. 5. I don’t believe in spreading rumors. If I know something is incorrect I will say so no matter who’s feelings they hurt. If it’s not true, it’s simply not true and the facts will speak for themselves pretty easily. 6. I dislike with an absolute passion of being told what to do. I realize I’m still learning; every day with each horse is a learning experience. Each new horse I bring in has a story that I try to figure out; each horse has certain needs and requirements that I need to figure out. There is no black and white written rulebook on how to care for a horse and what works best for one horse may not work best for another. I can only go by the experiences I have and the suggestions of others. But if I am told do so something, I expect a little help. I was told to use my money to pull a horse from an auction because they had a connection to the horse. Of course it was a phone conversation so I have no proof. I would have gladly pulled a horse had there been money; had I been told a little bit more about the situation; had there been any additional information provided to me so that I could make an educated decision on what to do. But I wasn’t provided the information. I was told the other day that the grain I feed has enough water and I don’t have to soak my grain. What I should be doing is XYZ. Except that I have other horses than the one you’re looking at right now and they don’t have adequate teeth to chew even with soft pelleted grain. I choose to soak all the grain to make life easier on everyone AND so I don’t have to deal with choke. When was the last time that individual dealt with choke in their own horse? Probably never because many people don’t keep an old horse until their dying day. I have six horses that are in their mid to upper twenties. I’ll do what’s best for them and in my opinion, soaking their grain is in their best interest. Unless you step up to the plate and help, don’t tell me what to do. 7. I work a full time job to support the sanctuary. Without that job, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the luxury of horses. The only assistance I receive is from my loving husband who didn’t ask to be involved but quietly helps me day in and day out with the chores. It is my pocket book and my time that take care of the Borderland horses. We are not yet to the point where we can request funds or at least not feel guilty about asking for funds. 8. If/when someone does ask if they could help, their offer to “ride a horse for me” is very much unaccepted. Horses are not a pleasure item that you can use as you wish and toss when you don’t want them anymore. If I wasn’t doing the chores, I would be riding. What help I do need is in the chore department not the riding department. If you ask, I’ll be polite and only chuckle at the offer but will seethe with anger. But it’s hard to find anyone willing to be outside at 5am to lug Sam’s beet pulp (so he’ll have an hour to eat), toss hay to the big herd, to the mares, to the ponies and Rabbit, to Dick in his pen, Bo in his pen, and Thor in his pen or to lug water to Dick, Thor, and Bo’s pens all of which takes about an hour to accomplish all before rushing on to work all in the dark. Or spending two to three hours in the evening (5:30-9pm) after a full day of work just feeding and watering horses to make sure they get the adequate foods they need to survive and to make those that have additional health issues comfortable. And in most cases, evening chores will end in the dark. 9. And this is just the horse related activities. I avoided mentioning anything about my work where I put in 40 + hours. It’s just all very frustrating. So those are just a few of the items I’ve been dealing with this past month. I’m sure there’s more but I’m exhausted. I’m sure that I’ve hurt people’s feelings but put yourself in my shoes for a day. I’ll make sure to give you the non-poopy shoes that don’t leak when standing in a water puddle. I’ll even make sure to give you the steel toes to make sure that if a draft steps on your toes, they won’t hurt you.