Verge of a Meltdown

I've been feeling overwhelmed and beyond stressed for the past few months. We joke that it's because we have three kids now but I hate to see what happens when all there of them are in school activities and extra curriculars. I'm the worst for over planning and under scheduling. I love to plan but hate following through with everything. But when it comes to my kids, I want them to try everything and see what they do and don't like. That means extra running and we've been running hard since May. And when I say running hard, I mean we are gone anywhere between 2-3 nights a week and then add on a few of my activities without the family and there for awhile I was gone five nights a week. Five straight months of running has left me exhausted, overwhelmed, in tears many nights, and honestly very close to calling it quits with the Sanctuary.


After having my youngest last September, I also switched jobs. It was a good switch (room for growth), but it also leaves me exhausted every day (in mind not body). So not only was I spending my time adjusting to a new baby, but to a new job as well. Then throw in the government furlough (I'm not a government worker but I am a contractor to the government and work in a government building). I've yet to get any of my vacation hours back. I was left with no vacation hours heading into a crazy summer schedule. So now every time we do something fun with the family I have to scramble to make up the hours at the paying job. I know it's a first world problem to complain about but it is part of why I'm stressed and why I've disappeared. I haven't felt like I could write about anything.


I used to write just to share the boring day-to-day activities. It was also when blogging was a big deal. Now with Facebook and so many other social media options, blogging has gone by the wayside and sadly, I've declined in writing about the little things that we do.  I wish we could go back to the days of blogging to get a better sense of day-to-day life and musings. Facebook is great for pictures and fast action but I still miss blogging.


So I'm going to do my best in October to blog more. It'll be the boring mundane, day-to-day activities that go on (when we are actually at the Sanctuary). I'm not sure you really care that we opened one gate and closed another but I'll tell you just because I can.




In a nutshell I've been super stressed because there's so much that needs to get done. When people ask what can they help with, I have a long list but the days are so short and we aren't always home on the weekends so coordinating schedules is tough.


But here's what we have been up to and what still needs to get done.


I've been slowly scrapping the paint off of the house. It's not Sanctuary related but when we do have visitors, it would be nice to have a nice looking place, and that includes the house. I spent half of Saturday scraping, while Mike painted. He used the paint gun but says he won't do it again. So if we get another nice day (where I am not working at the paying job), I'll be out painting the east side of the house. Mike tried using the pressure washer on the west side of the house to blow the paint off and only proceeded to break more stuff so he stopped. But it left wood exposed so now I feel like we need to get the west side of the house scraped better and painted. I don't want to see a half scraped house all winter long.


A long time ago, we used to have gutters on the house. But those disappeared as they fell apart. So now it's time to put new gutters on. Hopefully it'll help with the water issues we constantly battle. But it's more time and money to deal with.


On Saturday we picked up the new lawn mower. The old one broke although Mike fixed it. I'm still a little confused on why he thought he couldn't fix it so bought a new one only to fix the old one. It must be a guy thing. but the old one doesn't owe us anything. Unfortunately the new one was more money than I'd wanted to spend so I'm going to be very protective of it. While we were in town picking up the mower, I decided since we had the trailer, to pick up another 16 foot gate. I want it to replace the old gate in the dry lot that constantly falls off. It's been off its hinges for two years. I'll use the old gate at the other end of the alley so this winter I can push horses into the alley rather than play musical pens and keep the horses off the pasture and out of the drylot when we put hay in. It's been something I've wanted for more than two years that's finally coming true. This new gate will also be up off the ground so I don't have to drag it through mud. I'd love to pour concrete there but it won't happen. But I'm going to come up with a plan to make life easier so there's less mud, just haven't had the time to figure it all out. Any takers?


Sunday I went over to try and load the last horse. She wont' load. Everyone keeps giving me suggestions and they are all great but I've tried them. I'm calling in the big guns and bringing in a trainer. Otherwise it's a 20 mile walk and I don't have the time or the energy to deal with that. Sadly, the owners are tired of me not getting the horse off the property and shut the water off. Luckily there's a stock dam otherwise I'd be furious. I have more to say on it but I'll refrain.


Last night I pulled the big herd off the partitioned pasture. It's the one I was hoping to avoid using but don't have that luxury. Hopefully I didn't overgraze it. They'd been on it for a month but I think a month was too much. I closed that gate and opened up the other side so the herd has the entire pasture except that one little portion. It already looked more lush and green than what they'd been on.


I'd moved Lace last month and she was looking thin. A month on this other pasture and she looks fat again. It makes me sad that I didn't realize the other pasture was done already. I also have to keep a close eye on her and figure out when to let her go. Her legs won't hold up this winter. If they are predicting a bad winter, she for sure can't handle another long winter. I wish she'd go on her own terms but they never do. So I'll be having to figure out when to take her in either in October or November. With the rendering situation, it's not as easy to deal with their bodies and I'm struggling on what to do.


The other three new horses are a small herd but I'm going to have to break them apart. I cant' lug 10 gallons of water every night to their pen thru the winter. I just can't physically do it any more and don't have the energy, never mind the electric bill for having two water tanks going. I want to get a new auto water put in on the mare pasture but I need to find someone who can dig the line in for me. It's not an expense I was planning on but I'm fed up with it and we are so close to the barn we could put the line in and next year find the money for the auto water. whatever the case, it would save me so much time and stress.


I've been trying to with no luck to get the fence guys to come out and give me an estimate on how much it would cost to put in new posts. We don't have the money to put in all new fencing but we at least have funds to cover new panels that could support the existing fence. We also HAVE to replace fencing in the dry lot. It won't handle another winter and I was hoping that the fence company could come in and replace fence. If they don't, I'll be in desperate need of corral panels. I'd love free standing fencing but I can't afford that. I am not sure I can even afford corral panels at this rate.


I have a lot rolling through my brain. Lots of stuff that needs to be done and no time, no money, and no energy.


So that's what's been going on and that's where we are at. Overwhelmed, under appreciated, over stressed, and on the verge of a melt down.