Letdown

I was wrong. I did get to watch the snow  melt. I figured with the amount of snow we got yesterday, that there was no chance I'd be watching snow melt on the one day I get to work from home at the paying job. Most of the snow is already gone. That's March in South Dakota for you.


I did get a weird feeling just now. I'm not sure how to explain the feeling or even if it makes any sense. It was sort of a dejuve feeling. It was somewhat the same feeling I had while on maternity leave, watching the world move forward while I stay grounded to the same spot. We are moving forward, painfully slow but still moving forward. It's a hard feeling to explain but one I needed to voice for some reason.


I think maybe it's the letdown after the crazy month we've had. Last month was our Light the Night, then it was dealing with RSV with our daughter, then it was Mike leaving for training for a week (and leaving me with chores and two small kids) and then I got the hair brained idea that I would start remodeling on our house. It's been a few years since we have done anything and I was to the point of exasperation with it. More on that later. Then when Mike got back, I needed to start getting stuff ready for the Expo. I should have done more (or at the very least found a more vocal person to introduce the Sanctuary and do more talking. I am NOT that person). And it was also time spent prepping for the Expo for our drill team. This week has been prepping for the snow storm and getting caught up on everything that's been neglected over the past few weeks (including laundry and other non-horse related stuff).


Of course, through all of that, I was supposed to have jury duty! I got out of that for a month but now I'll be having jury duty for the  month of April. At least April will be a quiet month for us. But I seem to be struggling for some reason. I'm not sure. Maybe it was the sneak peak previous I watched of Heartland. Maybe my life would be more interesting if it was set to music. :-)


And if there wasn't enough upheaval, the house is in disarray. So much for my new years resolution of being more organized. Two Thursdays ago, I ripped up the old carpet. It's been the crappy carpet that was in the house when we bought it (10 years ago). It was  more than time to get rid of it. Beneath that carpet was linoleum. Curses to linoleum. I was pretty stymied but wouldn't you know, my parents came to the rescue. Mike and I needed some quality family time with the kids that following weekend and when we returned from a day of adventures, we discovered that mom and dad had ripped up the floor! Yay to less work for me! I'm hoping that soon we'll have a brand new floor and can get some order back into our house. But as most remodels go with our house, it'll be at least another month or more before anything can be done. As with any farm house, there's quirks. And there are a LOT of quirks in this house. Mike is talking about ripping up more of the floor. Go figure. Nothing is easy around here. I am afraid the rest of the Sanctuary is like that as well.


My goal this summer is to get most of the outbuildings painted. I painted most of the garage but am seeing that we need to fix the roof. The roof (or lack there of) is ruining the paint. The barn desperately needs to be scraped and painted, along with the tack room, and garden house, not to mention the hay barn (which also needs a new roof). If only everything didn't require money and take hours to repair.


So, call it a let down from all the activities or a decompress or whatever you want. I'm struggling and not doing a good job. There's so much to do and yet, I can't seem to focus my brain for more than about 10 minutes on any task.  I'm starting to get some disjointed thoughts bouncing around in my brain and I'm struggling with those too. There's more I should be doing. More I should be saying. But there's less time for everything and I'm seeing the ill effects of me burning the candle at both ends.


And maybe this weird feeling is not only the letdown of a crazy  month but also the standard feeling of juggling work life, sanctuary life, and home life. I dunno. I know I'm not making any sense so I'll stop rambling.

Rain