Funk

I must be in some kind of funk. I’m afraid the stresses of juggling everything and dealing with the weather are finally getting to me. There’s no cabin fever here, I’m too tired. I was having an overly rough day on Thursday and by the time I went out to do chores, I knew I needed a hug. I am working on making Rabbit my “comfort” horse, which is odd because she was always a “touch-me-not” type until recently. But maybe that was only my perspective and I didn’t see the reality.

As I was breathing in Rabbit (and in between getting squished between Rabbit and Mayhem), I came to the realization that mares are “comfort” horses.  My heart horses are geldings because they give me their all but the mares are the ones that provide the comfort. I’m not sure if it’s the maternal instinct or what but I know the geldings don’t have that same comforting ability (or at least not the geldings at the Sanctuary).

Unfortunately while hanging on Rabbit, the overwhelming thought overcame me. I am responsible for the wellbeing of 14 horses.  As I watched the geldings wander around the pen waiting for me to feed them, I was overcome by that thought. I’m not sure why. I guess it’s a mix of exhaustion and stress.  I’m sure a good nap will solve a lot of it. But I did stand and watch the geldings, not so patiently waiting for me.  And although the idea that they must rely on me is overwhelming, watching them gave me peace. It’s such a mixed thought.

I was reading another person’s blog, who happens to be a barrel racer. She mentioned that as a barrel racer, you put these horses into an extreme sport and ask them to give it their all each run.  That these horses are putting their lives into their rider’s hands. The thought came to me that the horses at the Sanctuary are my responsibility and their lives and their wellbeing are in my hands. I know I’m not making much sense and I think it’s the exhaustion and stress getting to me but a lot of thoughts were running through my head last night. I want to ensure that I don’t let the Sanctuary horses down and that I don’t let our supporters down.

I think a good nap (and winning the lottery) would help me out of this weird funk.  I guess until either happens, I’ll simply remember the feel of Rabbit’s mane on my cheek and the smell of horse in my nose.