Feeling Guilty

I'm feeling guilty. Here I am emailing someone about a cheap horse, thinking I should try to bring him in to Borderlands before a killbuyer snatches him up since they are only asking $100 for this big guy. And there stands poor Joe. Without bute he walks crooked.

I feel guilty. Here I am planning on euthanizing Joe and thinking of brining another one in. How cruel am I? Get rid of one to get another? My attention should be focused on Joe.

And yet I know that Joe's body is giving out. I had hoped that being on the lawn would help since he didn't have to walk up and down any hills. That doesn't seem to be the case. The bute I gave him really helped last week. I don't want to dope him up all the time since it's not good for him. But I think I may bute him until his last day since thats' the only way he seems to be comfortable. He'll trot in a straight line with bute. But can't walk a straight line without it.

It breaks my heart since he's so happy to see me. He whinnies at me during feeding time. He's got such a low, throaty whinny. I absolutely love it. His whinny means I've made a difference in his life. But I feel guilty. I don't want to have to put him down. I know I should do it soon. I should do it before we head off to the Hills for vacation.

So I have that heavy weight on my heart. And then I turn around and consider bringing another horse on. How fair is that?

But this other horse is so very much in the killbuyers price range; he's practically free to them. I asked for pictures and the kicker is he looks so much like old Tiny Dictator. It breaks my heart. All he's missing is a star, snip, and a couple white socks. But he's got that dashing dark brown color that I fall for every time.

I feel guilty for evening thinking of him when poor Joe is standing out in the pasture right now munching on grass. I know what I have to do. But I can't seem to bring myself to make that call just yet. I'm selfish and now I'm feeling guilty for thinking of bringing on a different horse.