Friday, June 24, 2016

Stressing

So, I'm stressing. There's too much to do and no time to get it all done. The people I depend on are just as busy and don't have time now to help me out. So I'm left doing everything single handedly.


I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. I'm almost passed my breaking point. I know people will tell me to give something up but what?


I'm on a drill team and I've come to the conclusion that Zeke needs to be retired. I knew that he needed to be but after the last few practices, he for sure needs to be retired. He IS 24 years old and keeping up with all the younger horses. But when I mention I don't have anyone else to ride for next year, except Maverick or Chaos and they need too much work, I get told, "you just need to work with them". Yes, yes I know that but WHEN?! I barely have time to get the little stuff done, let alone get anything big done. All of my projects are sitting, waiting for me to work on them.


So, you tell me...where do I fit in anything extra (like trying to get a horse ready for drill team)?


5:20am - Alarm goes off and I hit snooze
5:30am - Roll out of bed, get ready for work, do chores, get everyone else ready for the day (clothes, meals, etc.)
6:15am - Leave for work
7:00am - At work
3:30pm - Leave work
4:15pm - Pick up kids from daycare
4:50pm - Get home
5:30pm(ish) - Start making supper
6:30pm(ish) - Sit down for supper
7:00pm(ish) - Kids get baths
8:00pm (ish) - Read stories and put kids to bed (if Leila wants to go to bed). At this point, we are sometimes still giving baths. It all depends on if the kids want to play outside so we can get a few things done or if they kids are super tired and want to stay inside. The time between starting to make supper and kids going down is from 5:30pm to 8:30pm. My son doesn't like being alone, so I try to stay with him for a little while. But the kid has staying power and doesn't fall asleep easily (neither of my children do).
9:00pm - Start chores
10:00pm - Done with chores (depending on what needs to be done, it sometimes takes longer, sometimes is shorter but either way, I'm usually out for an hour and ALWAYS am in the dark)
10:00pm - Take shower (now in a camper, which doesn't have the greatest water heater) and get ready for bed
10:30pm - Go to bed
2:30am(ish) - Sometime in the night, wake up. If I'm watching Leila that night, wake up when she wakes up and feed her and try to get her back to sleep. Sometimes I'm up for a half an hour. Sometimes I'm up for an hour. It all depends on her. I typically get about 6 hours of sleep ( I NEED eight).


Then do it all over again.


So, did you find time for me to work with a horse? Oh sure if I want everything to go to hell I could probably squeeze in some riding while doing chores. Or I could give up the three hours I have with my kids to go ride. But I see my kids three hours a day. Three. Three stinking hours. That's it. From the time I pick them up at daycare to when they fall asleep. That's the only time I have with them. I already give up my time with them to make supper and pick up the house (well not really but make a path so we can walk). I don't want to miss much more. Anyone with a baby will understand that. Leila is only 9 months old. That first year flies by.


So, I'm struggling. I'm stressing. I'm exhausted. I need people to understand that. I need people to help me out. I need people to encourage me, not knock me down for my worries.


And soon, I need to prepare for the "asking" season. It'll be here in another month or so. Will you take my horse, I can't afford it. Right now I'm looking at trying to pay for last year's hay AND this year's hay. I haven't figured out how to make it happen. So, more stress. If the weather continues as it is, I'll be out of pastures sooner than I want. More stress. The fences are starting to go to hell in a handbasket (I've already had two loose horses in one pasture). How do I find time to get fencing done?


We have enough stress to go around. Anyone want to take some of mine?





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