Friday, October 21, 2016

Long Overdue Thank You!

I have a very long over due thank you coming to one of our supporters. I've been terrible lately about sending out thank yous to those that have helped the Sanctuary. So, here I am, MONTHS late but I guess better late than never.

WAY back this spring (was it that long ago??) I was grousing about this or that. Honestly, I was riding the pity train and we were going on a long distance trip. But then what should happen, but I grab the mail and see something that not only brightened my day but brought tears to my eyes. Our supporter, Lori H. knows EXACTLY when I need my spirits lifted. I honestly think she's one of our guardian angels and she's Rabbit's angel too! In the mail, those many months ago, was a gift card to Tractor Supply from Lori!!!

I hate to admit it, but I didn't use it until just recently. Not because we don't have a ton of stuff but because I wanted to make sure I wouldn't have buyer's remorse. I was torn between tires for my carts and wheelbarrow or over the fence feeders. I couldn't make up my mind, so there sat the gift card. And to be truthful, I was like a kid in a candy store...well, more like a girl in a tack I was really a Sanctuary in TSC!!!

But I finally broke down and used that coveted gift card to buy THREE over the fence feeders. Two in hot pink (my son picked them out), and one dark blue. I decided on feeders after trying to juggle one over the fence feeder, one bucket, and one pan dish back to the mares and Junior. Yup, over the fence feeders it is. I'll avoid showing you pictures of the tires that we need.

My son being "helpful"

But that's not all. Way back in late July/early August we got a request to take in an older mare. I had a feeling that this mare would be a hard keeper and there would be a lot of time, money, and heartache put into this mare. So, before I made any decisions I put the call out to see if we could gain funds to feed her over the winter. And wouldn't you know Lori H stepped up AGAIN to help. I did warn that we might not use the funds for the mare in case the deal fell through.

We also received funds from Melissa B. I warned her as well that the deal might fall through and asked if she wanted her money back and they both said no. So I decided to put funds from both Lori and Melissa into our winter hay fund so that we could feed Rabbit and Lace. Seems fitting that Lori's funds should go to Rabbit. :-)

Well, the deal fell through and the owner put the mare down due to neurological problems (that were not disclosed to us initially...I won't discuss my opinion on the situation).

But that's not all. Right when we were having our playday Lori H. stepped up again and donated more funds for our winter hay fund (because she couldn't make the playday and wanted it to be a success).  So I am late THREE TIMES!! THREE TIMES in telling her THANK YOU for helping us with the horses and making sure that they enjoy their hay and grain in style.

So, although I am slow in saying THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, late is better than never (I hope).

Thursday, October 20, 2016


This is yet another non-horse related post. I apparently am feeling philosophical lately. I think it's the nip in the air and thinking about life in general that has me in this mood lately. So, I'll warn you to read at your own risk.


I am always amazed at how resilient animals and kids are. I think of some of the predicaments that these kids and animals are in and I know I wouldn't handle the situation very well. Again, this is totally off topic but something that's bothering me.

I was at daycare picking up my kids when one of the teachers asked why one of the kids had two backpacks (one for school (in the same class as my son) and one to go to a parent's house). I know nothing more, nor do I want to. But I realized how resilient these kids are. So tiny and about the same age as my oldest and yet juggling something that even adults can't always handle.

Then I think of the animals. They too are resilient. Taken out of their home and given away because of circumstances that are out of their control. Yet they perceiver. I wish there'd be a study on perseverance or something like that. How can some animals (thinking Bo) be put into such terrible conditions and yet love people. He's just this happy go lucky guy even though he was near death. He doesn't hold a grudge against anyone (unless you're carrying a needle or a dewormer). Maybe he was just born a happy-go-lucky horse, I don't know.

But we should all take a page from their book. Life will go on and to look on the bright side of life. I've been down in the dumps lately, riding my pity train. I need to get off that pity train at the next station and start enjoying life. As I sit here (at home because my paying job lets me work from home one day a week), I'm looking out the window and seeing the beautiful colors. Yellows and greens and browns. It's an amazing canvas of color today even with gray clouds hanging over us. I used to think we never had much for fall colors. I apparently never paid much attention to my surroundings. I love fall. I just wish winter would be ...well, not winter.

So I don't think this post had really any point to it...other than to remind myself that the life I have is pretty darn good, even if I'm wearing my crabby pants. As life hands me challenges and obstacles, I too will persevere and continue on, making those experiences a part of me to make myself better.


Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Temper Tantrum

I had a temper tantrum last night so I didn't get ANYTHING done. Yup, that's right. Even as an adult, I still have temper tantrums. I may be headed in to another one later today but we'll see. Shoveling the chocolate and caffeine to help ward off another tantrum.

I now can compare my tantrums to my four year old's tantrums!

Hopefully later this week, I'll have more to report. I DO have a really good post but want to include some pictures first...because blogs are boring without pictures!

Monday, October 17, 2016


I would say "And this is how I spent my birthday on Saturday" but not really. I'd taken last Tuesday off to scrape the little building that used to be a grainery and now my garden house. I'd scraped three of the four sides and on the west side (the side I've half painted in the picture, I scraped as high as I could without getting an extension ladder).

I only spent two hours painting. I should have kept going beings that it was my birthday and painting was what I wanted to do. So I got almost all of the west side done, except where I couldn't reach to scrape. And just under half of the north side. I had thought maybe I could paint on Sunday before having to help with some family stuff. But the temps didn't help. And then it started to drizzle. And it's been drizzling ever since. I'm not sure if it'll dry out enough for me to finish painting or what. If it doesn't, I wont' get it finished priming until spring. I had hoped that at the very least, I could have it primed. Because that's the first building everyone sees when driving up the driveway. I know our place looks dumpy but I really am trying.

But I needed another hour to at least get the north side painted. I should have said the hell with it and kept painting.

We had originally thought we could pick up a load of hay but that fell through. We were able to get three bales to hold us over until next weekend. I'd been throwing small squares but with 16 horses, small squares go quickly. So we got three round bales in and netted and now the horses are happy. I had hoped to move the ponies to a different pen so it would be quicker to haul water but there's stuff in the way that needs a tractor (that I'm not allowed to drive...I wont' even go there on how unhappy that makes me).

I also dug out all the blankets. Unfortunately this spring, I took them off and threw them wherever. And that's exactly where they stayed until yesterday. I dug them all out and put them in front of the barn so I could take an inventory. I'm hoping the weather holds long enough for me to wash and water proof them. I had hoped to skip washing them but after pulling them out Saturday, nope, they are GROSSS. So, washing is in order. But on the bright side of all the terrible bathroom/plumbing remodeling, we did get hot water to the outside so I can wash horses and blankets with hot/warm water instead of freezing cold water. So hopefully I can do some scrubbing each not. But we'll see. The paying job has be hopping and if it's not the paying job, it's the extended family trying to get a few things wrapped up before the end of the month.

So, I'll be around, just not really in front of a computer. Anyone want to help me paint, wash blankets, or do other work around the place before the temps drop?

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Cranky Pants Humbled

It seems that every time I get my cranky pants on, life reminds me to get off my soap box and appreciate life. So I was grousing earlier (ok, down right venting, I'll admit it), and tonight right after picking up the kids (and wishing that I could just run away), a neighbor stopped out with his trailer and a round bale that he wouldn't need for the winter.

Yup, totally humbling.

This is the same gentleman who donated around 50 small squares of hay last month. He even volunteered to load it up, haul it to our place, and stack it wherever I wanted. Talk about humbling. And tonight, when he pulled in, I asked if he wanted help unloaded the bale. Mike wasn't around to unload it with the tractor. Nope, he said he would get it.

Yup, humbling.

So, after a few short hours of wearing my cranky pants, they are in the wash to wear on a different day. Instead I now think about how grateful I am.

Always when I'm down in the dumps someone surprises me and lifts my spirits (more on that tomorrow).

Venting - Ignore Me

I need to get this off my chest. Yes, I'm going to vent and it has very little to do with horses. I should probably just delete the whole damn post but I need to write it at the very least.

I have no time and no money and yet people cant' seem to get that through their heads. I work a 40 hour work week at a paying job like every other Joe Schmoe. I "choose" to live where I do, which means my commute to my paying job takes longer than most. In fact, just drive time to and from work (without involving kids) is 45 minutes one way. So, add 1.5 hours to my 8 hour day (well, 8.5 because of lunch) and voila I'm at 10 hours being away from my home, my horses, and my kids. How many hours are you away from your home and family on a given work day?

Then add in the fact that I'm caring for 16 horses ON MY OWN, not to mention the two dogs and a cat. Every animal on this place is MY responsibility. *I* am the only one caring for these animals. I'm having to give them what I can of my time but it's not enough. There is NO help. NONE. NADA. It's all me and there's not enough of me to go around.

There's my two very young, and very impressionable children. They are one and four. They'll grow up before my eyes and be gone so I dont' want to miss out on a minute and yet I am. I'm gone from them for 10 hours a day, then they crash and are asleep by 9pm and I dont' see them again until I pick them up the next day. I see them for 4 hours...FOUR. That's all I get to spend with my children, but I am also supposed to do the laundry, make supper, clean the house, do chores, and oh yeah, be the ever supportive and loving wife and not get mad when shit doesn't get done around's been FIVE months and I STILL dont' have an F-ing bathroom sink...never mind family complaining about me not havin a sink.

Never mind the carry over of my past horse life where I still am trying to function. I don't want to lose my friends but I don't have near enough time to dedicate to answering phone calls, text messages, IMs, and Facebook posts and comments.

I am tired. By the time I can finally sit at night, I'm exhausted. And the minute I sit, my lazy husband sits too. No, he's only worked an 8 hour day and been gone for maybe 10 hours and gotten to see the kids and not had to do any skirt work. There's no added pressure to do anything around the house. But that's for a different venting session. Did I mention he doesn't DO anything?

And there's so much pressure. I have a new boss at work so now I'm having to prove myself all over again. I'm also now being asked to study and become certified in something for work but I have to do it outside of work. I don't have the time. How the hell is that supposed to happen? I don't have the money to buy the test. I haven't gone back to the dentist because I dont' have the money to get the cavities filled that happened when I was pregnant with my daughter over a year ago. Apparently when I'm pregnant my teeth go to crap. I don't have the $500 to fix them either...and that's WITH insurance.

My husband once talked about soldiers coming back from war. That they experience PTSD but it's not really PTSD, it's the lack of support from the people around them. During war, you have people's backs, you support them, you protect them. But when you go back to the real world, you're on your own. I am feeling that extensively now.

I am on my own at work. I am on my own at home. I was told specifically that I will NOT receive any help on any projects around the house/sanctuary. So I am on my own. How can I maintain ALL of the buildings and the house to a livable standard without help? How can I do that and work, and take care of kids, and take care of animals, and try to find funding for the sanctuary, and keep sane? I'm not trying to be cheeky or anything. I'm just angry at the world because I'm left standing on an island by myself and the waters keep rising.

I keep getting pressured to do something. I can't do it and have made no bones about it because I don't have the money. The whole topic upsets me because I'm in a bind over it but I'll make it work. But I keep getting pressure. So this same person who is pressuring me contacted me on Sunday while I was helping my sister pack. My focus was getting as much done as I could because I had THAT day to get it done. THAT DAY ONLY. I don't have time to chit chat. My time is Mine and I dedicated it to that task not being pressured to do something that I know I'll have to say no.

So that same person contacts me again on Tuesday when I took the day off so I could focus on working around the place...because I am the ONLY one doing anything. I can't stop and send texts back and forth all day wasting my time. I have only so many hours in the day and I need to get it done. So I didn't respond. And guess what, Life happens. Kids happen. I didn't respond. Now, when I finally have thirty seconds to breath and respond...oops...someone else is interested.

I am going to walk away from the entire thing. That's what I am going to do. Remove one more stressor from my life and see what happens. I already removed one stressor by taking baby talk off the table. There will be no more babies at the sanctuary. And this topic that I'm so irritated over, there will be no more of that talk either.

People just don't understand that I have very limited time. And what time I do have, I want to spend with my kids. And when they are asleep, I'm usually asleep too or buried eyeball deep in some project that HAS to get done because if I don't, I'll have even more people on my case.

So, I may disappear for the next few days to get a few projects done.

Please ignore this post. I know it won't make sense. And once some of my projects are done, I'll be less stressed....but I need to vent. I am human. And there is only so much I can do. I am at my limit and at wits ends.

There is only me to do everything and I can't do it all. Not alone. Not without support. Don't get me wrong, I know there is support out there... I can see that just in the past two fundraisers and the generosity that people have bestowed. But the day-to-day stuff, I can't do it alone.

There is only me and I am alone.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Crazy Past Few Days

I've been so busy the last few days I haven't had time to post anything. Here's life in a nutshell...some horse related, some not.

Last week I was prepping for our annual playday. I didn't host a playday last year because I was on maternity leave and my brain wasn't there. So having not had a playday in two years, I was scrambling to find everything that I needed again.

On Saturday, we held the playday. It was a success. People were so generous. I am humbled. I'll write more about it in another post.

On Sunday, I'd agreed to help my sister pack for her move across town but hubby wanted to do one final camping adventure. So I spent Sunday morning scrambling to pack and make sure everyone was fed and watered for me being gone overnight. By 1pm I was a packing machine and didn't stop packing until 9pm.

I had Monday off so that was part of the reason we went camping. Hubby, the kids, and I all hung out and relaxed, enjoying the final day of nice weather. I was itching to be home but wanted to enjoy the time too.

I took Tuesday off from the paying job and worked as frantically as I could. I'd originally taken the day off so I could wash and repair  blankets. But I have come to the conclusion that I will not get blankets washed. Instead, I'll be happy to dust off the dirt/grim and get them waterproofed and repaired  before the cold season is upon us. But when I woke up Tuesday, it was misting out so no waterproofing. I was disappointed but there was plenty to work on. Instead I focused on getting electric up in the mares' pasture. It's the same pasture that Bo and Junior some how escaped. I don't have all the electric up because I ran out of electric wire...go figure. I didn't have everything we needed but I made do with what I had.

I had to take a break from fencing when I realized I didn't have everything and would need to come up with a plan to make it work (which I did). So I tackled scraping the garden house. It's the first or second building you see driving up the driveway. The barn is the other building you see driving up the driveway but it's too big of a project for me to tackle so late in the season. So instead I worked on the garden house. I was able to scrape the north, south, and all but five boards on the west side. I'll leave the east for another time when I know I'll have enough time to get it scrapped and painted. I'll be pushing to get the three sides painted as it is.

I also  moved the mares' water tank over and got it ready for winter, basically I put it up on a pallet and put boards around it to keep the wind off the tank. I figure any little bit helps. I also started moving corral panels so that I can move ponies to their winter pen (which is slightly closer and much more protected). I also made up Junior's winter stall for graining. He needs to be separated during grain time so he gets all the grain and supplements. I was able to put together his pen. I'm trying to figure out how to put up another pen so that I can run Rabbit in to another pen so she can eat without being disturbed (and I don't have to halter the mares).

I still need to move corral panels around and get temporary stalls in the hay shed. I am planning on picking up a load of hay this Saturday if anyone wants to join me. I've been throwing small squares and I need to use them for emergencies and whenever I stall someone in the barn because I no longer have large squares to work with.

I still have a bunch of other work besides painting but could really use the help. I'm hoping this Saturday after hauling hay to put primer on the garden house. Even if I don't get a good coat of paint, a good coat of primer will hold until spring. I'm desperate. Anyone want to get a little painted?

I'll write more later but wanted to give you a rundown of the past four days in a nutshell.