Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Feeling Frazzled

I have been struggling lately. I've made no bones about struggling. I hadn't been able to figure it out until last night. 


We've been at our acreage since the fall of 2005. We started the Sanctuary in the spring of 2006 and it's been steady ever since. It takes a lot to keep up an acreage. There's always something to fix or something to improve (and more stuff to fix because it always breaks). I'd learned that if we did any improvements, that we'd spend the next to years focused on simply fixing those things that broke while we were in the middle of a major redo/remodel.


Luckily we have the support of my parents and their knowledge as they fixed up their acreage (they are still at the same place where I grew up so I am one of the lucky ones who can "still go home"). So for the past 10 years I've had the support of my parents to work on the acreage. In the past couple of years I'd noticed that things weren't being kept up around our place. I chalked it up to having kids about that time. But then I came to the realization that kids were only a very small portion of why the place is starting to look run down.


You see, my parents never sit still. I'm not sure how they do it but they are always on the go working on one thing or another. But Dad has been dealing with some health issues for the past few years (and I'm sure he'd be mad that I'm sharing the info) and he just recently retired. Apparently when you retire, you get even busier. So nowadays, instead of coming down to work on the place, they come to play with the kids instead. I never realized how even the little things can get out of hand if you don't keep up with them and Dad was the one taking care of those little things.


So I have plan of working on those little things while I'm waiting for water tanks to fill. I know some will say I should be working horses while I wait for the tanks to fill. And I probably should (I need to get Lightening going so I don't get into trouble during a drill team performance) but for now, I need to focus on the place and get it so it looks slightly less shabby.


The other thing that I realized last night is that feeling of feeling overwhelmed and not being caught up. I just can't seem to get it together. And then I realized, it's been almost a year of change at the paying job. I haven't yet adapted apparently to the mass chaos and additional demands that I'm putting on myself over the past year for the paying job. But those unnecessary demands are what is putting me behind. I used to sneak in a little bit of organizing and planning and such for the Sanctuary (and the saddle club I'm in charge of...yes I am that busy). But I haven't really had time and without my constant pushing, things don't get done. And for the past year, I've been focused on work and kids. With a new baby in the house, my attention was there. And it still is. My main focus are the kids but then it's the horses. But I didn't realize the paying job was taking up the extra energy that I used to have.


So now I have to figure out the balance. I'm sure all working parents have that struggle. But at least I've figured out the "why" behind the problem. Now to figure out how to fix the problem. But even if I can't figure out how to fix it, I at least know the reason behind it.


So now that I know the problem, maybe I can stop feeling so scattered and just go with the flow.

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