Goodby Ivan

We lost Ivan last night.


My heart is broken. I can't understand how he could have left. He was young and one of the healthy ones.


I am struggling and running through all the scenarios to figure out what I did wrong. I messed up somewhere. He should be standing at a bale next to his best friend.


Ivan coliced Saturday. We had the vet out Sunday morning to tube and oil him, with minimal improvements.


I stalled him and I think that's my mistake. When I went to check on him Sunday night, he'd cast himself in the stall. They arent' perfect stalls but they work. But I should have given him the entire barn and not just a stall or sent him outside.


Either he hit his head while he was trying to get up or while he was down and rolling, he twisted his gut and threw a blood clot. Either way, he had serious neurological problems. There was no chance of recovery and this was confirmed by two vets.


It's my fault. If only...

I will not be online much this week. I am too heartsick over what happened. Maybe after the shock has worn off but for now...I can't breath let alone speak.