Sunday, April 4, 2010

Depression or Self-Pity?

I'm in a bit of a depression but I'm guessing that it's actually self-pity. Saturday was the first horse auction of the season. I dread horse auctions. Auction days are dreadful and exhausting. By Saturday evening I was absolutely exhausted. At this point, with everything going on, I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I know there's something I should/could do but I'm at a loss. I'm so close to tears right now I don't know what to do and simply want to scream.

Saturday afternoon Mike and I went to Kramers. I walked through the aisles and saw approximatley 20 horses. I fell in love with two and could have brought a couple more home. It was 3:30pm and they were just starting tack. I decided I didn't want to stick around since we had other errands to run. So Mike and I ran errands and headed home.

There was an old paint that I couldn't get out of my mind. When we got home at 5pm, I decided that I'd go back to the auction and see where they were at. I figured they'd already be into horses and I would have missed my chance at buying that old, lame paint with the kind eye. I started to panic that I was missing all the horses so I sped. I dont' normally speed, that's how riled I got.

When I arrived, I rushed in only to find that they were still doing tack. I could have gotten a number and gone through the horses one more time but I wanted to secure a half way decent spot. I guess there was no need to worry about that. Once they brought the horses in the crowd thinned quickly.

Right away they started bringing in the horses I was interested in. The first horse in was a big white gelding with the most gorgeous mane that went past his neck. He would have been considered beautiful under saddle if someone would have taken the time to ride him in. But of course they dumped him and left. He was so upset by being away from his friend that he didnt' do well in the ring and went for $60.

Next came the paint I was in love with. I was going to buy him if he didn't go over $100. But he did. The worst part, he went to the evil horse trader who I think was trying to fill a load. After I finally settled my heart back into it's right location and slowed it to the right speed, I continued to watch horse after horse go for way cheaper than they should have even for spring.

They brought in a beautiful buckskin that I liked too and would have bid on her if she only went to $100. Again she went for more but luckily to a private buyer. In walked an old gentleman with arthritis. I'm not sure why I didn't bid on the old guy. Again he went for about $50.

They also ran in a 3yr old white stallion. Why, WHY, WHY!?!? Why do people not geld their stallions?!?!? WHY!! He went the cheapest at $12.50. He was massive (obviously). But he would have been a good match for Chaos in body size. Why did I not bring him home?!? Because I have mares and dont' want a vet bill?! No excuse. The next horse in was a 3yr old appaloosa stud. The same owner as the other stud. What does he do. No Sales the appy because he couldn't get $100. WHAT THE HELL. Excuse my language but COME ON! Geld and you'd get more! WHY!!?!?!? You're willing to let one go at $12.50 but you won't let the other one go because he has spots?!?

Everything except the ones I was interested in went for under $100. Even the three Tennesee Walker yearlings went for less than $50. But seeing them made me feel better about Jim's funky feet. I think it's a Walker thing.

But people didn't even bother to brush their horses. Led them in but didnt' give them the time of day to even brush them. It doesn't take much elbow grease to really shine up a horse.


I left the auction exhuasted. The sad part is, I may have been exhausted but I was able to go home. HOME. Those horses wont' get to go home. Some of them will be shipped around until they head to slaughter. Some of them won't know a kind voice, a kind pat on the neck, a bucket full of grain, they won't know love. They will only know fear and cruelty.

Before I left, one of the scary vets made an announcement. Due to PETA, no auction will be allowed to take thin horses or horses with long feet who have foundered. No auction that I know of currently could take thin horses, blind horses, or horses who couldn't travel on all four feet. But I guess they are going to crack down even more. The scary vet went on to say that if you bring one of those types of horses, the owner will be turned away and turned in. The owners will then be investigated. So now these horses have no chance of someone rescuing them at an auction.

These horses are going to die out in a pasture with no food, no water, and no vet care. How are we ever going to save these horses?! We cant' report neglect cases because no one pays any attention to those types of reports. So what's going to happen?!?! I know what will happen. It will be an excuse to open slaughter plants in the US again and to not prosecute people.

Even the stupid auctioneer said he was turned in and told to feed the horses. It cost him $500 because he had two thin horses. It should have been a wakeup call but it wasn't. I think he may be the one with the horses that got loose and hit on the road and the ones that DoubleHP were involved with.


Yesterday's auction left a bad feeling within me. I have been disturbed ever since and cant' seem to shake this bad feeling. There has to be something more that I can do. I know there are some things that I can do. But I need time to get papers signed and the ball rolling. But I'm so exhausted. I'm beat down and can't seem to find the strenght to stand up. I know that I need to find the strenght. If it's not for me, who will help the horses?!?! Who will go to the auctions to see the horses. Someone needs to remember them. Even if it's only for a feeting moment or a fleeting glance (like that paint horse gave me). Someone must remember these horses. Someone must stand up for them.


I'm not sure that anyone actualy reads this blog. But if there is, please, please, please help me. Please give me advise, please give me strenght, please help me to help the horses. I know my plea is vague but I'm at such a loss right now I don't know what to do. I need help. I need your help. I need to be the strong one. I can only be strong with moral support.
The look the paint horse gave me as I walked away will haunt me. Please help me fix that. Please help me so that I don't have to walk away from a pleading look like that ever again. Your advise, your suggestions, your thoughts are greatly appreciated.
Prayers on the wind for that old paint horse with a kind eye.

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